Dreams Part 1

Every once in a while I am blessed with a dream like the one I just woke up from. A dream where everything feels like real life.

I was dreaming that I was at the fair with my kids, and my son needed to use the restroom. I didn’t take him to the public restroom, I took him home. How did we get there? I have no idea; “dream magic,” I guess. One moment we were at the fair and then the next thing I knew we were at home.

The beauty of these dreams is in their simplicity. In these dreams nothing extreme ever happens. No one is flying, or all of a sudden speaking another language. These dreams are, for the most part, absent of fantasy. These dreams just . . . are. They feel as if I have found a better version of my actual life.

I let everything slide in these dreams. I don’t let “dream magic” distract me and I don’t stop to second guess the little oddities that occur. I just take my time to experience the beauty that these dreams bring me. These dreams are always interrupted by a kid, or a dog, or loud noise. I never purposefully wake myself up from these real life dreams.

On the flip side, in a nightmare, when “dream magic” is obviously at work, my conscious mind always begins screaming, “It’s a dream, WAKE UP!” And, of course, I wake up because who wants to be in a dream that is not pleasant? I find it very interesting that I always wake myself up during “scary dreams”. Interesting because, in a dream, you can do anything. It’s not real, it’s figment of the imagination.

So why wake up? Why not face those fears head on in a place where nothing can really hurt me? Why am I running from imaginary monsters? Why do I become so powerless in my dreams when darkness rolls in and consumes everything in its path?

That is how most of my nightmares play out; everything around me dims, colors fade, and the lights go almost completely out. Many of the surroundings in my nightmares appear wet; the ground, walls, everything looks like it has just rained. I’m normally scared of something I can’t see, or someone who I know.

My fear will build, and build, and then I will become powerless to the negative energy. I will try to speak but my voice won’t work. I will try to run but I won’t be able to move. I become completely powerless and scared. In the back of my dream I can feel myself asking “Why?” and all I want to do is fight but I can’t. I struggle until I can’t take it anymore, until I finally realize there is a way out, and then I will hear myself calling “WAKE UP!”

I’ll wake up breathing heavily, trembling, verbally reassuring myself it was just a dream. In the aftermath of these nightmares, I will lay awake trying to make sense of it; wondering why I was just attacked by someone I love, wondering why my voice didn’t work, why I couldn’t move? Wondering why I care?

It was just a dream.

Why am I spending any time trying to pull myself together after experiencing something that is simply the equivalent to watching a movie? Why do dreams shake me to my core? Why do I literally feel powerless even hours after I wake from my nightmares?

When I dream about real life, like the dream about the fair, why do I wake with a smile on my face, and long to return to it, even hours later?

What am I longing to return to? Obviously, I am not hoping that I can time-travel to my house to use the restroom in real life. The ability to avoid public restrooms is pretty low on the scale of things I would wish for but the clarity of these dreams calls to me. Unlike the cloudiness of my nightmares, it’s a clarity that whispers “anything is possible.”

It is possible that when I am dreaming, my body is resting, but my soul is traveling through gateways to other dimensions.

It is possible that dreams are us tapping into these other dimensions of existence. I picture these other dimensions as layers of film (picture an old reel of film, stretched out until the end of time) stacked on top of each other, spinning forwards and backwards, distorting time. Some layers are better than this one (dreams), some are worse (nightmares).

Regardless of how many layers of existence we are able to experience in dream states, our waking reality is the layer of existence we live in. Reality is the life our conscious minds have chosen to experience.

Think about that. Think about the possibility of it, not the probability. The possibility that we are living in one version of existence, one out of an infinite number of possibilities.

Now focus on that possibility, let it stretch your mind. No matter what you actually believe, it is okay to allow your mind to entertain a theory for just a little bit. Just imagine this theory being true.

Imagine that out of an infinite amount of options, this is the life you wanted to life. This reality, your perceived reality, is the best, most valuable life for you right now. Don’t laugh at it, dismiss it, or feel threatened by it.

Just allow it to be a possibility.

I started applying this theory to my life after waking from a dream or a nightmare. During those waking moments I had a deep-seated feeling that my dreams affected me so strongly. Not because my subconscious was playing out my fears and/or my desires, but because I felt connected to my dreams like I was actually there. Not my body, or my mind, but my soul, the very essence of my being.

This is how my journey to living NOW started. It started with me recognizing that life/existence/what we call reality, is much larger and more complicated than I could have ever imagined. That first step for me was recognizing that my reality is like a dream. My reality is not based on anything that I cannot create in my own mind.

I can explore, and wonder, and dream all I want, but what makes up my destiny is the energy I place into my actions here in this layer of existence.

I want to focus my energy into loosening my grip of control, of fear, and of unworthiness. I want to stay away from the dreams, from the layers of existence, that scare me into believing that I am powerless.

I don’t want to wish for the ability to face my fears in a dimension I have not chosen to actually live, I want the strength to conquer my insecurities here.

I don’t want to long to return to a dream for simplicity and clarity, I want to gain the confidence and self-love to have those experiences here in this layer of existence.

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