It’s hard to stand on your own two feet and face the world as a new person.
Some people in your life won’t be ready for it. No matter how hard you try to ease into your change, I can almost guarantee you it won’t be subtle to anyone but you.
Have you ever noticed how, we as humans don’t really see those around us?
The people living right next to us, in the same house, can go through tremendous change, and we won’t even notice.
It isn’t until we have some time apart, that the differences start to show. Suddenly, things don’t have that familiar feel. Comfort fades, and resistance sets in.
Change always brings the need for control. The unconscious need to stop change in ourselves, and in others, due to fear. Change is hard, but who are we kidding, change isn’t something we can prevent.
Personally, I have grown to see that we as humans are in constant fluctuation. We are never the same people we were yesterday, and tomorrow will bring on a whole new you as well.
I am not the person I was when I started this post, this post was a break off of another post I started writing months ago. As I have added and edited this post throughout the last few weeks I see all sorts of minor tweaks in myself.
I embrace these changes. I push myself to be aware of my life, and accept any change as it happens for me.
Accepting change is difficult, no matter if it is change in yourself, or in someone else.
Think about how many times you have said to someone, “you’ve changed”, and seriously meant it in a negative way. I know I have heard this said to me, and I have said it.
I know in the past I used to see change negatively, but that is one way I have already changed. Now, I couldn’t be happier about change.
Life is fluid, a flow of energy, that you can grip to and squeeze as hard as you want, but no matter how hard you cling, things are still changing. You are changing. The people around you are changing.
I have changed.
Once upon a time if someone said to me, “you’ve changed”, I would have been offended and denied it.
“I haven’t changed, you have!”, says the old me.
“Thank you for noticing!”, says current me.
A few months ago I made a sudden change in my daily behavior. A purposeful, meaningful, sort of thought out, change.
I quit drinking alcohol for 40 days. For 40 days I made other people gasp with horror at my new adventure.
Don’t get me wrong, plenty of people were excited for me, proud of me, even envious of me during this time, but I said “gasp with horror” for a reason.
Firstly, I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself when I made the decision to quit drinking. I quit drinking to improve my meditation practice, and because I saw my behavior around alcohol as a developing problem.
I was drinking everyday, not getting drunk, but nonetheless I was drinking everyday. I had been engaging in this behavior for a little over 2 years. Those 2 years flew by, but when things began to slow down, and my body began showing signs of exhaustion, I knew I needed a change.
If you and I were friends, I would naturally expect your support during this difficult transition. For example, if we go out to dinner together, don’t pressure me to have just one drink. Don’t laugh, and make me feel stupid for trying to improve my physical and mental health.
Don’t offer me a drink. Please, as my friend, support me, because you know how difficult it is to break a habit. No matter what that habit is.
Drinking, smoking, junk food, tv, social media, working, sugar, you name it, anything can be turned into a habit. A cycle. A loop that eventually you will want to break.
We all know how this feels. Our friends and family want to support us in our little life challenges, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
People resist change.
When I stopped drinking, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Sure at times, my muscle memory lead me to the refrigerator for a beer while I was cooking dinner.
At times I wandered into the alcohol aisle at the grocery store. A few times I even smelled someone else’s glass of wine with my eyes closed so I could daydreamed about the taste of a deep bold Syrah.
It was a habit that I knew I needed to break. I was dedicated to getting this cycle out of my life. I stayed positive and focused. The change I was experiencing was bringing me a new energy for life.
The change I was experiencing, no matter how beneficial to me it was, rocked those around me.
The shock. The horror. The mirror.
There is nothing like someone else’s change, to make you feel completely lost and annoyed at yourself.
Let’s jump over to a different example, dieting, or “lifestyle” change. Just think about the last time you changed something about your diet. Did you lose weight? Did you stick with it?
Now think about the last time someone close to you changed something about their diet. What did you think about their new change? Did it make you want to change too?
Did you change? Did you support them? Were you aware of your thoughts during that time?
Too many times in the past, I found myself rooting someone on to succeed in creating a healthy life for themselves, but at the same time whispering in my head that I knew they would fail.
Maybe I wanted them too. I know for sure more than once I laughed at someone’s attempt to change. Silently. In my head.
That is the same kindness I used to pay myself. No confidence. No self love. No ability to see past “waiting” for miraculous change. The way I spoke to myself and about others was a reflection of my self worth.
That is the past. The past no longer lives here anymore. Ghosts of time, that haunt unhealed hearts is all that is left of the past, and those my dears can be shooed away.
Sinking memories that pull you down, and trick you into believe you are nothing more than what you have been. Are just that, memories. Not reality.
We all are so much more than who we have been.
This is true. It is true for me and for you. 2018, the year of manifestation. Tell me, what dreams are you creating, what story are you writing?
Tell me, if you could bring into your reality, a life that leaves you enjoying even the tough times, would you put in the work to make those changes?
I did 40 days no alcohol, during an emotionally difficult time. This taught me several things. One, the right time to change is whenever you choose it to be. Two, change isn’t hard when you know what you want. Three, sometimes when we change, so do the people in our lives.
For me that has been, and still to some extent is, the pain of change. The letting go, the detachment of who I was, and the acceptance of who I am.
This is not selfishness, this is being 110% true to myself.
I beg you, look at your life, and stop obsessing over every second that seems out of place. Stop obsessing, stop thinking, and just allow yourself to unapologetically become who you are meant to be.